Following the celestial alignments of 12.12.2012 at the turning of the ages, the death of four family members, including my adoptive mother, and the discovery of a potentially “fatal” disease, I descended into the underworld. I didn’t plan for the journey or imagine how it would look. Like Inanna’s descent through the seven gates where she is disrobed, murdered by her sister, and then brought back to life, I had yet another opportunity to experience death and rebirth. The circumstances and ensuing dramas forced me to take a Crone’s year away. I don’t think I would have allowed myself that luxury otherwise.
Fifty-seven years old and postmenopausal, the elder in me needed time to reflect on who I was becoming. A state of psychophysiological integration is well-known to increase a woman’s resources to deal with stress and create fulfillment. Every woman over fifty-five would do well to transition from Mother to Crone, no matter what forms she has given birth to, by giving herself an extended amount of integration time. How else will we become wise female elders and leaders in service to ourselves and our community?
Becoming a Crone happens in a season, not in a one-night ceremony. Incremental changes appear as signs of approaching Winter. There is a greater need for moisture. Hair begins to fall as Autumn leaves. Womb blood no longer flows. She grieves.
Letting go is never easy, and I had to let go. In Inanna’s story, she had to let go of her crown and jewels, robes, and intimate personal effects at each gate she passed. The things I needed to let go of were metaphors of the same – status, self-importance, and identity. I let go of an office where I saw herbal medicine clients in downtown Asheville. I let go of my music career. I surrendered an uncertain future to the unpredictability of nature, including my own. I trusted inner guidance in connection to a natural world that has the power to heal and transform. I received support from my husband, friends, and family.
While a ceremony is significant, Croning happens in stages. It becomes a living ceremony performed spontaneously at each surrender point. When eyes dim, hair and nails turn brittle, skin folds and wrinkles, memory fades, and muscles ache, a ceremony waits where we say, I have grown older, wiser, and accept myself this way. Croning – the becoming of a Crone, is one of life’s grandest adventures and a right of passage that deserves to be witnessed by those we hold close.
I may not have planned such a journey into the underworld, but life had prepared me for it. Childbirth taught me how to deal with the issue of pain and to address the source of my fear and struggle to control. The shamanic deaths I had previously experienced through profound losses also prepared me. During that same 12.12.2012 window, my sister battled ovarian cancer. She would pass one year later, making it the fifth loss. I had much to grieve, including the end of my fertile years.
The onset of my Crone’s year away came during my Saturn return, which happens approximately every 28 years. Saturn returning a second time at age fifty-seven, to where it was in the sky when I was born, heralded a momentous life change and marked an initiation into the role of elder. I wrestled with integrating a new-found identity. I could no longer function or manage my life on the same track. So I retreated.
Inanna’s descent describes her spiritual initiation, a giving up of power and status in the mundane world. For anyone expecting to follow a path of initiation, a willingness to voluntarily let go is a soul requirement for such an undertaking. Women indoctrinated into Western culture don’t necessarily know how to do this. We are programmed to hold on to our youth by any means and for as long as possible, including dieting, taking disruptive hormones, and seeking body-altering surgeries.
Menopause may be especially difficult for women who experience hormone imbalance on a planet that also suffers from imbalance. “As within, so without,” says the Hermetic Principle of Correspondence. The Earth is constantly adjusting to maintain balance and harmony through the seasons. And the same is true for our bodies.
While menopause presented challenges, I met them successfully with herbs and made adjustments as needed. But I have a Wise Woman secret to share with you. A confession, really. This summer, I will have lived sixty-eight years on this planet, a full ten years after my Saturn return, and I have never dieted to lose weight.
The best ally you can have on your menopausal journey is ten ‘extra’ pounds.
– Susun Weed
I may have been resistant to dieting because of my mother’s obsession with weight or my girlfriends who followed a diet du jour approach in their desire to live up to society’s distorted body image standards. But either way, I have been blessed to enter my Crone years relatively unscathed. And I partially attribute that to carrying a few extra pounds of body weight that began to sneak up on me after menopause.
The weight makes for stronger bones, and did you know that the anti-aging vitamins, like vitamins A, D, and E, are fat soluble? Did you know that postmenopausal estrogen comes from your own stored fat? Healthy grandmothers from an earlier generation that carried extra weight didn’t need their body fat measured, hormone replacement therapy, and special diets. They ate whole, unadulterated foods, including healthy animal fats. Healthy weight is different for different women. Trying to fit body weight into a norm is unhealthy.
Mayan women reported in one study experiencing no hot flashes during menopause, and their voluptuous bodies are culturally seen and accepted as sexy and attractive. Having enough stored fat also means having enough estrogen to guarantee a healthy libido. And that means being a juicy Crone! Putting healthy older women on hormone replacement therapy does them a disservice.
Low estrogen levels in some women may be due to insufficient stored body fat. Osteoporosis is a concern. A co-worker who complained about lack of sleep and menopausal discomforts sang the praises of her Functional Medicine doctor when she put her on unopposed estrogen. To express my concern for her struggle, I placed my hand lovingly on her upper back. Bones protruded through the skin. That is why she has a hormone imbalance, I thought to myself.
And we question why our doctors don’t recommend something as simple as gaining weight and eating more whole foods, including healthy fat. But we should know the answer to that by now. Doctors prescribe pharmaceuticals, Functional or not. Their training dictates this. They have not been trained in nutrition properly. Functional Medicine doctors went through medical school just like all the other doctors with an M.D. after their name. And so did their peers. The ones who author the peer review studies from which they source their information. There is value in the Western Mechansistic Medical Model. Please don’t get me wrong. But we need a truly integrative model to gain wisdom across disciplines of medicine and healing.
Estrogen dominance, as opposed to estrogen deficiency, may result from obesity and an overheated, stagnant, or fatty liver. Healthy post-menopausal weight gain in an active woman who eats a whole foods diet is not obesity. Too much estrogen, however, can lead to further weight gain, adding more stored fat which converts to more estrogen in a vicious cycle of imbalance. We must address the underlying cause.
Painfully tender breasts were one of the challenges I faced during menopause. I tried progesterone cream, thinking it would be the least invasive, but I was wrong. When I realized the hormone was building up in my tissues, I weaned myself off it, which caused breakthrough bleeding. Then I realized I had made a mistake. We are all vulnerable to wanting relief.
Menstrual flooding was another challenge I experienced during menopause. It can feel like hemorrhaging and is terrifying. Luckily, I had the opportunity to hang out with Susun Weed and her editor, Betsy Sandlin, in Tucson, AZ, as they completed the final manuscript draft of the Menopausal Years. Susan recommended Vitex (chasteberry) and primrose oil (see complete protocol in New Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way). Total relief followed. A few years later, I started to bleed heavily again. I went to a wise OB-GYN who said that because I was a little “overweight,” I would fare much better than women who had fad dieted throughout their lives. He said it probably would be the last time I bled. And it was.
The natural approach has thus far kept me free of invasive medical testing and liver-damaging pharmaceuticals. My bones are strong, my mind is sharp. And so it is that I dance through the winter of my life. But not all of my sisters have been able to choose a path aligned with nature and her seasons. Many choose hormones to keep their muscles toned, skin smooth and elastic, and libido awake or because they had a complete hysterectomy or other extenuating circumstances. Most of the women I know have chosen bioidenticals thinking they are a natural alternative, but they are not. They disrupt the HPA (hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal) axis just the same. Too many women who I know personally have had debilitating strokes. They were misinformed and unaware of the disruption or the effect on the liver. My mother was one of these. After years of unopposed estrogen, she developed uterine cancer and died from a stroke. A stroke is a high price to pay for an imitation of youth.
There is a direct correlation between a woman’s sensual relationship with her own body and her relationship with everything else in life.
– Laura Wolf
Aligning with Earth’s seasons and the seasons of our lives once came naturally but now takes practice, diligence, and awareness. Honor the beautiful woman you were given life to be. Take time for yourself. Bow low as you enter this great transformation, and be willing to disrobe. Keep a seasonal journal. Allow yourself to be witnessed and celebrated in a rite of passage ceremony. Become a Crone simply by declaring it of yourself.
Older women are, by design, women who grow wiser and more powerful with lived experience. Wise Women, rise up! The Goddess is calling us home. We will no longer allow ourselves to be perceived as competition, seen as a threat, or diminished by patriarchal powers and uninitiated younger interests. Powerful hope for the future lies in our ability to trust our inner guidance in connection to the natural world that has the power to heal and transform. Your body is not confused. It knows what you need. Ask it. And may the blessing of the wise old Crone be yours…
References:
Menopause without symptoms: the endocrinology of menopause among rural Mayan Indians. Martin, M., et al. 1993, Am. J. Obstet. Gyn
The New Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way, Alternative Approaches for Women 30-90, by Susun Weed
Post Menopausal Estrogen Comes From Your Own Fat, Dr. Eric Berg
Resources:
The Resurrection of the Crone Project, Laurie Ann King
Soften: Feminine Embodiment Practice with Laura Wolf
Love Your Liver: Spring & the Wood Element, an online course with Thea Summer Deer at Five Element Academy
A Mid-Summer’s Evening Primrose and Menopausal Ally, Thea Summer Deer, Wisdom of the Plant Devas Blog
Midlife Musings: Creative Croning Ceremonies, by June Hill
The Daughters of Copper Woman, Anne Cameron
Paid Subscribers receive Premium Content below: Old Woman live recording from the Global Goddess Gathering; the story behind the song, Menopause poems by Thea, and additional photographs.
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