Do Nothing
Depression, Anxiety & the Six Stages of Healing
I received a text from Denise asking me for herbal advice. Denise is a registered nurse, doula, former business partner, and a friend. Her client, a young first-time mama, was four months postpartum and experiencing some depression and anxiety symptoms. The mama, she informed me, ate a very healthy and balanced diet and was exclusively breastfeeding. Denise wanted to know if I had any suggestions. I tend to go with my gut impulse, which I have learned to trust. I had little information about this mama, but I initially thought she might need to chill out and have a beer.
Even though drinking alcohol is not an option or recommended for everyone, and there are mixed reports on whether beer is good for breastfeeding, I asked Denise if she thought the mama would be open to drinking a good stout/IPA (Guinness makes one). Or maybe she needed a yin tonic or an adaptogen for her nervous system.
I lean on traditional wisdom and personal experience that says a mother having an occasional beer with ingredients like hops that act as a galactagogue (boosts milk supply) and a sedative to help her relax is a good thing, despite what the CDC says. It is my first go-to, as it was for my ancestors and mentors before me, for breastfeeding moms who are experiencing anxiety and are not opposed to drinking a beer. Even before that, I reminded Denise it’s good to know what’s causing the stress.
Denise felt the mama had a good support system with her partner and mother, but would check in on that further per my suggestion. We both know that a high percentage of postpartum depression is due to the lack of or perceived lack of support. I wish I could have offered more for this mama and offered to see her as a client on Zoom. Denise would mention the things I suggested. Then I went to sleep that night and dreamed.
I often solve problems in the dreamtime that I can’t find answers to during the day. I woke in the early dawn thinking about this mama and why she might be depressed even with a good support system. So many women struggle with this in the first year after giving birth. Then it dawned on me. She needed to do nothing. It’s the first step in the six stages of healing in the Wise Woman Tradition.
Step 0 - Do Nothing (sleep, meditate, unplug)
Step 1 - Collect Information (research, support groups, divination)
Step 2 - Engage the Energy (prayer, self-reflection, ceremony, affirmations)
Step 3 - Nourish and Tonify (nourishing food and tonic herbs)
Step 4 - Stimulate & Sedate (activator herbs)
Step 5 - Use Drugs (pharmaceuticals)
Step 6 - Break & Enter (surgery)
Without knowing more about the mama’s herstory, she seemed to be collecting information (step 1) through Denise. But did she engage the energy (step 2)? What if she needed to go into the feelings and let herself feel them? To allow herself to express the depths of her emotions through journal writing, a gratitude practice, or whatever artistic means called to her. There is much to be mined in those depths. Often, anxiety is the result of pushing feelings down and repressing creative urges. Conceiving and birthing a child is one of the most creative things we can do as a woman, and sometimes, there is a letdown when the hard work of mothering sets in.
The suggestion I had made for a nourishing, adaptogenic yin tonic is the third step in the six stages of healing. Herbs that stimulate or sedate would be the fourth. Pharmaceuticals for anxiety and depression would be the fifth. But you can’t skip the first step. What if the new mama needed to do nothing? And it’s not like she can literally “do nothing.” It’s more like surrendering the need to fix, change, or rescue. And what if it is the feeling of needing to do something more that is feeding her anxiety? What if the expectations she placed on herself or others put on her to do something more or different drove her stress in a yang-driven society that values doing? The number of things to do when you are a new mama can be overwhelming and yin-depleting. There is an increased need for nourishment on all levels. When a woman is growing a baby outside her body solely from breastfeeding, she is still growing that baby entirely from her body, no different than when it was in utero. Only now, the baby is much larger with increased needs and demands.
So, I woke up thinking about what a creative thing it is to conceive and birth a child. And if this new mama had a good support system, what did that support mean to her? Did it buy her more time for herself? And if so, then how would she spend that time? Would she spend it on self-care, rest, and nourishment, or would she be expected to use that time to do something more? Could the stress around what might not be getting done be eating away at her? Could she use that time to express her feelings of depression and anxiety through whatever medium she had access to? Did she need tools to give meaning to her experience? Could she permit herself to do nothing? Perhaps she didn’t need to take more supplements, consult with another healthcare provider, or put pressure on herself to get more things done. Maybe she just needed to drink a beer.
I think we all could learn something from this mama. Depression and anxiety are rampant, epidemic, with repressed anger frequently implicated. Masking or repressing those feelings and associated symptoms with alcohol or any substance abuse creates a vicious cycle: a numbing, a disconnect. Precisely, a heart-mind disconnect.
We are living in a world that has lost its mind. Is it possible that we have only to do nothing long enough to bring our hearts back online? Give ourselves enough time to self-reflect and creatively express ourselves. The truth lives in our hearts. But we have been told lies that damage the heart and confuse the mind. Perhaps we all need to learn the wisdom of the Wise Woman Tradition that says, STOP! Do nothing. Rather than reacting out of fear. And to give ourselves time to gather the information and engage the energy. Maybe we all need to chill out, walk in the woods, place flowers on the table, get lots of hugs from the people who love us, and surround ourselves with beauty. The best way to heal a heart-mind disconnect is to treat oneself like a newborn – no loud noises, angry voices, or bright artificial lights. While drinking a beer may be beneficial under certain circumstances, it is a metaphor for whatever we need in our lives that calms us. I, personally, have never cared much for it. But my husband is German, so I occasionally enjoy sharing one with him.
So the next time you are feeling pressured, whether it is a doctor giving you a cancer diagnose that requires immediate surgery or you are a breastfeeding mom experiencing anxiety and depression, try doing what wise women have done throughout history. Do nothing. And if it’s your thing – have a beer.
References:
Breast Cancer? Breast Health the Wise Woman Way, Susun Weed, Ash Tree Publishing